A friend of mine recently wrote a blog post in response to an article written by a pastor on
the absolute necessity of self-forgetfulness for spiritual growth. While I found myself agreeing with some of what this pastor wrote,
I believe he overstated his case. For example, he writes:
"There is nothing in the gospel or about the
gospel that encourages me to focus on me. Nothing!"
"Any version of "the gospel",
therefore, that encourages you to think about yourself is detrimental to your
faith."
"Sanctification is forgetting about
yourself."
In many ways, I would argue the complete opposite.
Let me explain with an illustration and a conversation:
An Illustration:
The summer after my senior year of high school, I found
myself on a trip to Europe with a bunch of high school students. Our tour
bus brought us to Pisa, Italy to join hordes of tourists gawking at the famed
leaning tower. To my surprise, the tower was considered sturdy enough at the
time for us to climb the spiral staircase that traced the inside wall of the
tilting cylinder.
It was an ascent like no other. Each step felt
strange. As I climbed the stairs, the tilt of the tower produced a
disorienting effect. Even though I knew I was ascending to the top of the
tower, at times, I felt like I was actually descending. It felt like I
was going the wrong way, even though every step I took was one step closer to
the top.
In many ways, our own journey as Christ-followers
parallels my experience climbing The Leaning Tower of Pisa. When we take
our first steps as new Christians, we begin to grow. Old habits fall
away. New appetites develop. We find ourselves hungry to read the
Bible and connect with God in prayer. We often experience uncanny answers
to prayer and learn to recognize the Spirit’s voice.
But over the years, as our relationship with God deepens,
the journey often takes an unexpected turn. Things start bubbling up from
our souls that we didn’t know were there or perhaps more accurately, did not
want to admit were there. We find ourselves descending into parts of
ourselves that we would rather avoid—dark, untamed parts of ourselves that were
previously unknown, ignored, or supressed. It often feels like we are
going the wrong way. Instead of inviting us to forget more and more of
ourselves, the Spirit at times invites us to greater self-awareness.
This invitation can be seen in the Apostle Peter’s
journey. When Jesus told Peter that he would deny Him three times, Peter
refused to believe it and said, “I will never disown you” (Matthew 26:35).
By his response, Peter essentially called Jesus a liar. The Son of
God invited Peter to descend into parts of himself that he did not want to
acknowledge. Peter doubted Jesus more than he doubted himself.
Peter's refusal of Jesus' invitation to greater self-awareness let to
failure.
A Conversation:
A few years ago, while interviewing for a church ministry
position, my interviewer posed an interesting question to me. She said,
“You’ve been serving with Campus Crusade for Christ for over 18 years. If
you could go back in time and talk with that 22 year old college graduate just
starting out in ministry, what would you tell him?”
“Great question,” I thought to myself. I paused for
a moment and said, “I would tell him this: the things that you refuse to
see in yourself will have great power over you. You must pursue knowledge
of yourself as much as you pursue knowledge of God.”
In my own experience, my refusal to see some of the
darker parts of myself was a great hindrance to my growth in
Christ-likeness. It felt so counter-intutive to trust the leading of the
Spirit during those times. But when I did, I found that he’s took me to a
place in my soul where he was waiting to meet me. A place of mercy,
grace, and freedom from the things still lurking in my heart that I didn't want
to admit were there.
Yes, excessive self-contemplation can hinder
spiritual growth, but let's not through out the importance of spirit-led
self-awareness with the bathwater of fleshly self-absorption. Knowledge
of God is central to spiritual growth, but so is knowledge of self.
The importance of this "double knowledge" of
self and God has a long history in Christian spirituality. For example,
John Calvin famously opened his "Institutes of Christian Religion"
with this statement:
"There is no deep knowing of God without a deep
knowing of self and no deep knowing of self without a deep knowing of
God."
The journey upwards towards Christ-likeness also means a
journey downward into those parts of our self that hinder our devotion to the
Master; a journey towards an encounter with things that must be acknowledged
and faced in order to be defeated.
What about you? Do you tend towards knowledge of
God at the exclusion of knowledge of self or vice versa? Has
self-awareness been important in your own growth as a Christ-follower?
Does self-forgetfulness have a place?
